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Being Independent

January 21, 2017

Today I realized I am so independent that if we get divorced – I would have no trouble leading a life with kids on my own.

These days the man of the house is away on business a lot more than he is at home. For the past few months he was home for a sum total of about a week. And for the past five-six years, he is pretty much mentally checked out even if he is around. Given that he has his share of troubles and burdens, I give him a wide berth (although I stay away from his troubles for fear of getting dragged down). But there are days when I get extremely frustrated with the lack of support. Today kid# 1 needed a cast for his broken foot. All the running around emergency dept and getting x-rays to be told there is no fracture, and then the ortho follow-up and another set of x-rays happened only to find out that he did fracture his foot. Spending 4 hours at the hospital, and helping the kid who is almost my size on one foot is no fun (it was easier with a wheel-chair in the hospital). So at the end of the day, I’m still in a very bad mood, stewing at the husband.

He is perpetually busy with something. Flashback to when kid# 1 was born, he had a full-time job and was doing a full-time MBA. No time for the wife and newborn. Later we had job changes, being away in a different country for 6 months exploring business ideas and leaving me to fend for my 2 kids and juggle my job. And then came the beloved mother’s near-death and recovery, real-estate investments, business troubles etc. It’s a never ending story. During a recent one week vacation, I drove 6 hrs to my parents, did short 2 hr drives to in-laws place and my dads hometown, and back home all by myself with kids in tow.

My epiphany for today is that if we get divorced – I would have no trouble leading a life with kids on my own.  Not much change to affect the day-to-day life. If not for the fact that my kids (especially kid# 2) love their dad too much and he is an amazing father and a good husband (when he is around) and I still love him enough to seriously consider it.

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